When in Doubt...Run!!

Runners are right, running does help clearing the web in your mind. You know , as a child, I always had the knack for organizing; I would take it upon myself to neaten closets and drawers, of the whole house. These self appointed tasks should have taught me how to “book-keep” my life…but I think life isn’t really a drawer!!  

But running isn't a closet…it is the lubricant to unravel life with all its chests and closets; with all its secrets still locked away. It  cleans up my head like it used to clean up my idle time those afternoons.

And I know that some day I will touch the finish line on my own steam..even if I need to crawl and wriggle my way. 

The Escape Route

I have realized I cannot fight. You know I have seen people battle – battle greedily in newspaper columns, in letters to the editor, in facebook, in society meetings…wherever they are welcome. Sometimes I do feel like protesting, raging against the sky; sometimes in self defense; sometimes in defense of my loved ones; sometimes against god; sometimes against the world; but in the end I invariable choose the escape route. The route of quietly walking out of sight; into the world I call “benefit of doubt” world where you can simply say “It probably never happened”. Sometimes, cowardly denial can save  you from a whole lot of mindfuck!! So I flee!!

 

Life Without A Comma

Frames have a punctuation mark of their own. When captured in motion; it can remind you of an exclamation. When captured still; it can lead to a full stop. However, my personal favorite is the comma. The ever essential pause. Like the Monsoon. A traffic come to a standstill, an unexpected holiday declared in school, a chance to get late to work and yet not lie. And I have learnt two benefits from the comma – it can give you that privileged observer status and you can get real close to this school called life. Second, sometimes you reach your destination faster when you stop glaring at your watch. After all, traffic signals don’t work when its pouring!!

Scarcely Sunny!!

 I have caught a cold lately…

From the infectious coldness of the people around…

And it doesn’t seem to go…

I try to keep myself warm but there’s no source to borrow the warmth from…

And I am getting used to it..

I sneeze, sniff and blow away the people trying to come close

equilibrio de amor (The Balance of Love)

Wise men say “Choose the one who loves you; not the one you love”. I ask, in that case, who will “love” – if everyone is waiting to “be loved”!! And how anybody would be "loved" – if everyone is expecting to “be loved”. And what will happen to the love inside you. And if a “lovely” person turns up lucky enough to be “copiously loved”, then the regular generous shower of love will further screw the demand and supply graph. Love will accumulate without being vented out. So, in the name of restoring the balance of the weighing scales (if not for more obvious reasons that is); think it is healthy to distribute your love instead of letting it ferment. After all what fermentation leads to is illusive happiness.  In fine, just like its hard to avoid losing coz nobody is going to win all the time... It is hard to avoid “loving” coz nobody is going to “be loved” all the time.

How are you Today?

How would you reply to that?...I usually say "I am fine", but these days it doesn't seem to satisfy people. They probe and poke and enquire till you come up with something that's wrong in your life. And trust me, however generous the stars have been to you, there is some teeny-meeny bad in everyone's life. Sometimes they are ignorable, sometimes consciuosly ignored, sometimes better ignored. But a seemingly harmless "How are you?" makes them seem "Your Life" by and large. So, there you are, just when you thought you have learnt to control compulsive misery, you are faced with Imposed Misery!! Keep trying, I know I am fine - I take delight in your questions!!

Switched Standards

Maybe I am too thick head to understand this - the switched perception of the player and the victim. With every target, the player gets new names..bindaas, lucky...in Barney Steintson style. The victim however gets christened by all their sympathetic friends - stupid, vulnerable...in damsell in distress style(even in case of guys!). Innocence is to be pitied; love is frowned upon. Player is the mast banda and the lover is the poor girl/boy!

Freeze It!!

Think its easier to break a heart after you freeze it!!

You know its hard and cold – no mess, no strings to be cut..no clumsy cleaning up post  the slaughter.

In fact – no intricate veins within – one crack and its done. LESS EFFORT!!

And better still, hearts were never meant to have a mind of their own!!

 

Sought After

I think I am a lesbian in despair. I am in an unrequited love affair with Mumbai. I have loved the city ever since I set foot on it. And the city knows that and is quite taking advantage of the fact. Just when I would think of quitting the chase, he would give me a slight sign of hope. And after I would have blown up that hint to a proportion big enough to justify my staying on in this city…she would jolt me with a fresh struggle to woo her. But its worth the chase!!